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Category Archives: Spirituality

I’ll love you forever…

I looked up to You; I loved You; I hugged You and kissed You

You loved Me, You cared for Me the best You knew

You hugged Me, You cuddled Me, You called Me Your own

So much of life You fought to forget, You fought to not see, to not be

With all the times You had My back, patched up My mess, You were the best

The best You there ever could be; the best We, We ever would see

It came and it went, just like Your life is now spent

I’ll love You forever, and ever You see

No matter how far your spirit has wandered

Or how much My eye can not see

Your tortured soul endured so much, was so brave

Even in the face of alzheimers You just wouldn’t cave

You just wouldn’t… yet stay strong, I just couldn’t

I wished You were set free, long ago

I wished Your time here did not pass so excruciatingly slow

And now I admit that I’m glad You are gone

Gone from the confusion, the aches and the pains

Gone from the lonely ghost of a man You became

Grandpa, Father, Husband, Brother You were

With times of our joys slowly becoming a blur

I’ll love You forever, and ever You see

That old You and Me, We can no longer be

I’ll love You forever

love,

me

This work in progress is dedicated to a loving man, that is not the same as “John” from the prior posts… and may change over time as I review it, and cleanse the soul with tears streaming through it… any gentle feedback on this prose would be welcomed. Just be gentle with me please 😉

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Posted by on May 16, 2012 in Confessions, Spirituality

 

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Thanks for the company…

Thanks for the company… on my purposeful, thought inducing, weekly walk… today, John. It is always so much nicer to have someone else to share the space with.

Today I realized how little I really know you… of how much deeper our relationship could go, you know, emotionally. We have spent a fair amount of time together in the past, but how much of that was delving into the inner psyche that is you? Or exploring your worldview? Your values? Your beliefs? Your history? Or just your pet peeves?

Today I realized how little I really know you… of how much we have simply passed the time in the same general space, not really spending time together. What is your favourite colour? Was it always that one? When you played monopoly which piece did you like to be? The hat? Do you have a favourite book? Do you even like to read?

Today I realized how little I really know you… of how much we share in common, yet how much we have yet to discover of one another. What politician have you voted for? Which do you despise? Do you even try to be an informed voter, or are you an apathetic non voter? Did you have a dream when you were little? Like being an astronaut or anything?

Today I realized how little I really know you… of how much you have felt empowered by your life and the choices within. Have you ever truly felt empowered? Do you now? Do you feel challenged and engaged with life and the people around you?

Today I realized how much I wish I had asked you years ago… In so many practical ways you’ve been there for me before, John, thank you… And thank you for allowing me to be there with you when you took your last breath… 3 years ago…

Thanks for the company… on my purposeful, thought inducing, weekly walk… today, John.  It is always so much nicer to have someone else to share the space with.

 

 

Note: The picture links to it’s source within Google pics – and shares some light humour in case you could go for some levity now dear reader.

 
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Posted by on April 18, 2012 in Confessions, Spirituality

 

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Fishy chameleon trees

Walking led me to 3 things most recently…. Chameleons, trees and fish!

Writing this with Karma Chameleon playing in my head, it reminds me of a few chameleonesk things. (Yes I did just write chameleonesk.) As I’ve travelled along the adventure that is my life story, I often look back and see a bit of a chameleon. Someone who may feel natural, exposed, vulnerable and yet when the seasons turn, so do my colours…. I may have felt pink, lived and breathed pink, until the season of green arrives and I suddenly discover I am no longer pink…. instead I am a deep emerald green. Deep, dark and very much not pink. I settle in to being green and make friends with the likes of Kermit the frog. Once again feeling like me…. the green me. Until the seasons change again and the green fades away…. I am left wondering, was I being authentic and real when I lived and breathed pink? Or was I just putting on the camouflage that suited the season? Was I playing to my environment? Or my heart? Did I evolve and grow into the emerald green creature or was that just another “false” me?

The other element of Karma Chameleon that I am pondering as of late, is the idea of Karma – what goes around comes around. Some may even relate Karma to the movie/book “The Secret” and the essential idea that what you think about, give your attention to, you will get. Focus on where you want to go, what you want to achieve, how you want to feel, rather than your lack of, and you shall see it come to be. Create a gratitude journal to shift the gears of your mood, your vibrational energy, your way of being, whichever you want to call it. Sounds easy enough…. makes sense, why not at least try to be more positive? Psychology today had an article sometime in 2011 that essentially said the old mantra of “fake it till you make it” could be more true than you know. We become what we pretend to be.

This is starting to sound a little woo-woo for me – is that what you are thinking? Almost like the tips of the tallest tree reaching to the great beyond… Enter the tree analogy. Personally I think the woo-woo stuff is fascinating. Does it have any actual scientific evidence? I actually have a small stack of just such articles waiting for me to dig through. So not all the woo and alternative medicine is hocus pocus snake oil salesmanship. I believe every person needs to practice reaching their branches up now and then. Connect to whatever supernatural force/being you see as true, even if it’s just the magic of a little seed sprouting into a mighty oak. Stepping out of my comfort zone of “scientific proof” now and then is good for my soul.

I just need to remember that too much time reaching up and floating among the woo can be hazardous for me. Just as a tree branch can not survive on its own, my arms can not survive on their own… The branches of a tree, can not even come to be, without the sprouting of the seed. and the effective rooting to stabilize a strong trunk. Before venturing into the woo, make sure you are grounded! (That is 98% directed at me by the way) Sometimes I can be a bit like a cat with a shiny thing; chasing after this stuff.

With regard to the views of “The Secret” and its supporters, there are times when life down right “sucks the big one!” and hearing someone quote such things is down right maddening! Cue Fish! It is during these maddening times that it helps me to remember: judging a fish by its ability to climb a tree, will ultimately leave you with a really dumb fish! Specifically there are times when clear, assertive communication seems impossible. Well, if you have never seen or heard about how clear, assertive communication works, you might as well grab your fishing gear and start climbing trees! If you haven’t been taught the skills, how can you fault yourself for being unable to perform them? Perhaps a clearer example is a woman getting frustrated that her computer isn’t working and she has no idea how to fix it. Her IT support guy attempts to help over the phone…. can you see this ending well? Not usually! Can you fault the woman for her inability to fix something she has never really been educated about? Will thinking about how much she wants her computer fixed, or imagining it to be fixed actually help things? I wish it were that simple….

*Sigh*, Fishy chameleon trees…. Feels good to put these roving thoughts to “paper”, although I think that last sentence may get revised at a slightly later point in time… something’s fishy in there…. 😉

 

 
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Posted by on February 16, 2012 in Spirituality

 

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