I’ll love you forever…

I looked up to You; I loved You; I hugged You and kissed You

You loved Me, You cared for Me the best You knew

You hugged Me, You cuddled Me, You called Me Your own

So much of life You fought to forget, You fought to not see, to not be

With all the times You had My back, patched up My mess, You were the best

The best You there ever could be; the best We, We ever would see

It came and it went, just like Your life is now spent

I’ll love You forever, and ever You see

No matter how far your spirit has wandered

Or how much My eye can not see

Your tortured soul endured so much, was so brave

Even in the face of alzheimers You just wouldn’t cave

You just wouldn’t… yet stay strong, I just couldn’t

I wished You were set free, long ago

I wished Your time here did not pass so excruciatingly slow

And now I admit that I’m glad You are gone

Gone from the confusion, the aches and the pains

Gone from the lonely ghost of a man You became

Grandpa, Father, Husband, Brother You were

With times of our joys slowly becoming a blur

I’ll love You forever, and ever You see

That old You and Me, We can no longer be

I’ll love You forever

love,

me

This work in progress is dedicated to a loving man, that is not the same as “John” from the prior posts… and may change over time as I review it, and cleanse the soul with tears streaming through it… any gentle feedback on this prose would be welcomed. Just be gentle with me please 😉

 

Brains… Brains…

Well those fiesty little squirrels are at it again! Reminding me that I’m not quite small enough, flexible enough, or just plain fearless enough to run up and down those trees, leaping from one to the other, almost dancing rhythmically with one another. Jumping, leaping, dancing, taunting!

I am not a squirrel, I will never be a squirrel… but I might be a zombie! With all the crazy views on spirituality, the afterlife etc, who know, maybe one day I really will be a zombie! For now I can simply relate to that braindead feeling once in awhile, and share my amusement at how the first thing I noticed about this ID chart was the word “WALKER” in the middle of it… Hey that’s me! Wednesday Walker! Wait a second… hahaha, maybe there was some other reason I picked this nom… hmmmm….

Do you ever think you might fit somewhere on this ID chart? What do you do to reignite your brain and bring a sense of life back? As for me… well, I’m goin for a walk. Catch you later!

 

Thanks for the company…

Thanks for the company… on my purposeful, thought inducing, weekly walk… today, John. It is always so much nicer to have someone else to share the space with.

Today I realized how little I really know you… of how much deeper our relationship could go, you know, emotionally. We have spent a fair amount of time together in the past, but how much of that was delving into the inner psyche that is you? Or exploring your worldview? Your values? Your beliefs? Your history? Or just your pet peeves?

Today I realized how little I really know you… of how much we have simply passed the time in the same general space, not really spending time together. What is your favourite colour? Was it always that one? When you played monopoly which piece did you like to be? The hat? Do you have a favourite book? Do you even like to read?

Today I realized how little I really know you… of how much we share in common, yet how much we have yet to discover of one another. What politician have you voted for? Which do you despise? Do you even try to be an informed voter, or are you an apathetic non voter? Did you have a dream when you were little? Like being an astronaut or anything?

Today I realized how little I really know you… of how much you have felt empowered by your life and the choices within. Have you ever truly felt empowered? Do you now? Do you feel challenged and engaged with life and the people around you?

Today I realized how much I wish I had asked you years ago… In so many practical ways you’ve been there for me before, John, thank you… And thank you for allowing me to be there with you when you took your last breath… 3 years ago…

Thanks for the company… on my purposeful, thought inducing, weekly walk… today, John.  It is always so much nicer to have someone else to share the space with.

 

 

Note: The picture links to it’s source within Google pics – and shares some light humour in case you could go for some levity now dear reader.

 

Nom de plume thoughts courtesy of Google+

While I have been stewing, and posting draft after draft after draft, doing research, fact checking, image crediting and generally living life outside the view of Wednesday Walk on WordPress, I finally remembered – This is not intended to be some fancy schmancy blog that educates, entertains or informs others! It is intended to be a space to keep me accountable about mindful weekly walks, and sharing the thoughts that arise. If it happens to educate, entertain or inform, SUPER! Hopefully at least one occurs with each post for you my dear. So, without further a due, a first draft post on the idea of nom de plume’s.

With the vast research and delving into the blogosphere I have seen more and more brave souls placing their personal pictures, names and descriptors. My latest hero in this regard would have to be Sharon Howard. (She seems pretty interesting, you might wanna check her out in a minute or two.) I have also seen the push on Google+ for “honesty”, “authenticity” and “real”ness.

If you are new, or thinking of Google+, make sure you have some sort of picture uploaded for your profile pic, preferably one that looks like the “real” you, if you want people to interact with you! Oh, and brand pages, in my opinion, are a waste of time right now. Having just a brand page is extremely limited, unless you already have a loyal following that will follow you over there!

So I ought to upload my personally identifiable picture for you to relate to then right? And tell you stuff like my a/s/l (age/sex/location) right? Hum…. Then I came across a great blogger on G+ that had some other thoughts on the topic that I have to agree with wholeheartedly. She articulates my ethereal thoughts extremely well, and expands on the topic too!

Image found at Tracy Campbell's blog as seen clicking though

Excerpt: Most of us lead compartmentalized lives. We go to work, we have great parties, we give our time to causes in the community, we have our sexual proclivities, we attend church (maybe only during holidays), we support certain political causes — and so on. The first rule of courtesy is to understand the place and time. You shouldn’t speak about your delight with new anal beads at work. You shouldn’t regale your family at brunch with endless details about a merger. You shouldn’t speak about your wild parties at church. And you would do well not to divide the room by mentioning religion or politics at a cocktail party. Real life allows us to keep the various facets that make us who we are separate so they do not cause discomfort to ourselves or others. This is for a variety of reasons, some dishonest, many not. It doesn’t make us dishonest to encompass our share of contradictions. It makes us human.

The problem with the web is that it largely began as a world separate from meatspace. Today, most people use their real names, but this wasn’t always the case. When I started going online in the mid-90s, no one even knew my gender. I preferred that, not because I was hiding, but because I feel very strongly that I should be judged by my thoughts, not who people assume I am by seeing I am a woman, by attaching a handful of preconceived notions to what I am saying because they see my photo and think I’m too young or too old or attractive or unattractive.

Being an intangible essence allowed me to be more myself than I’d ever been before. Posting on different niche boards enabled the level of frankness that we experience when we’re in a group of like-minded people with whom we can openly debate or discuss topics. But this is no longer how the web operates and the transition hasn’t been an easy one. In a world where employers can easily find out everything about you, where insurance companies can decide to give or deny coverage because they see some status update as representing a liability, where a judge at family court can take away your children because — God forbid — you had a photo taken at Playboy West some Halloween… It’s not a matter of the web exposing you. It’s a matter of no longer having the ability to segregate different aspects of your life as we were once easily able to do and the concern is entirely valid.

A.V. Flox

So then dear reader, I ask you – Which is more real?

Further reading can be found through the excerpt link to find A.V.’s full article, her name to see her Google+ profile, or Tracy’s thoughts on nom de plumes visible clicking through the picture. Oh and don’t forget the non nom de plumer Sharon linked above 😉

 

You may be seated, although you might not want to…

I reshared Bryce’s post over on Google+ recently and thought you may enjoy it. He appears to have put some thought into the medical billing and coding infographic entitled “Sitting is Killing You”. I’ll add my $0.02 below as well. Just two cents today… $2 post coming soon 🙂

Bryce Etheridge originally shared this post:

This infographic was supposed to convince me that sitting is bad… but it’s actually done to opposite. I went in with an attitude of ‘standing desks are 1 million percent healthier for you than sitting’ and left with ‘standing is better than sitting’

http://mashable.com/2011/05/09/sitting-down-infographic/

Let’s break it down.

“Sitting 6+ hours per day makes you up to 40% likelier to die within 15 years than someone who sits less than 3”
Who in the whole goddamn country sits for less than 3 hours per day. Give me a profession. Is that work hours? Because if we’re not excluding lesiure your down to about 15 people total.

“1 in 3 Americans is obese”
See bottom.
“Sitting makes us fat. Between 1980 and 2000 Exercise rates stayed the same, Sitting time increased by 8%, Obesity doubled”
A) You want us to believe that an 8% increase in sitting doubled obisity. Bullshit.
B) The definition of Obesity also changed in that time line.
C) Take a look at the graph, % energy increase above sitting. Standing ~ 30% increase above sitting, Chewing gum ~34% increase above sitting. So by your own damn chart, chewing gum burns more energy than standing.

“As soon as you sit:”
This slide is why I’m writing this post.
“Electrical activity in the leg muscles shuts off” pretty sure I can still feel my toes.
“Calorie burning drops to 1 per minute” From what? Also 1/minute is ~1000 calories per day, minus sleep time. Assuming you only sit around all day, that’s still OK.
“After 2 hours Good cholesterol drops 20%”
“After 24 hours: insulin effectiveness drops 24%” That’s afte 24 straight hours of sitting. Not sure what this is applicable to.

Next couple slides are good

“Sitting at 135<degree angle> puts less strain on you back” This is only marginally relevant to the topic.

“A hundred years ago, when we were all out toiling in the fields and factories, obesity was basically nonexistent.” Not true. The modern medical definition of obesity based on Body Mass Index ends up as what you would colloquially think of as ‘a bit pudgy’, NOT ‘the biggest loser’ levels of extra weight. This is where that ‘1 in 3 americans are obese’ stat comes in. Working the fields 100 years ago put you in much better shape, but not the chiseled atlases that we are lead to believe. These people still had extra fat, and maintained it because they ate enough calories to offset the work they’ve done.

Conclusion:
Standing is still good for you.
I’m still getting a standing desk.
This infographic is propaganda.
If there’s propaganda then there are propagandists.
Which means there is a cabal of anti-sitting extremists out there.
Radicals going to extreme lengths to make their point.
Possibly even assassination.
And I’ve made myself a target!
<pulls mini-blinds and looks for snipers>

I have seen a few people circulating this infographic and enjoyed Bryce’s thoughts on a standing desk. Personally I have played with that idea myself and enjoy the idea of a standing desk. I am less likely to get lost in cyberspace for hours on end, I feel more engaged in whatever desk process I am doing, and in some small way I feel like a rebel with a cause. It would also be easier to pull myself away from a standing position to declare time for a Wednesday Walk. 😉

I wonder how popular the idea of standing desks are. I envision my ideal desk to be adjustable in height so I could have that seated option available, just in case I want to do some desk activities with a bout of the flu.

 

Fishy chameleon trees

Walking led me to 3 things most recently…. Chameleons, trees and fish!

Writing this with Karma Chameleon playing in my head, it reminds me of a few chameleonesk things. (Yes I did just write chameleonesk.) As I’ve travelled along the adventure that is my life story, I often look back and see a bit of a chameleon. Someone who may feel natural, exposed, vulnerable and yet when the seasons turn, so do my colours…. I may have felt pink, lived and breathed pink, until the season of green arrives and I suddenly discover I am no longer pink…. instead I am a deep emerald green. Deep, dark and very much not pink. I settle in to being green and make friends with the likes of Kermit the frog. Once again feeling like me…. the green me. Until the seasons change again and the green fades away…. I am left wondering, was I being authentic and real when I lived and breathed pink? Or was I just putting on the camouflage that suited the season? Was I playing to my environment? Or my heart? Did I evolve and grow into the emerald green creature or was that just another “false” me?

The other element of Karma Chameleon that I am pondering as of late, is the idea of Karma – what goes around comes around. Some may even relate Karma to the movie/book “The Secret” and the essential idea that what you think about, give your attention to, you will get. Focus on where you want to go, what you want to achieve, how you want to feel, rather than your lack of, and you shall see it come to be. Create a gratitude journal to shift the gears of your mood, your vibrational energy, your way of being, whichever you want to call it. Sounds easy enough…. makes sense, why not at least try to be more positive? Psychology today had an article sometime in 2011 that essentially said the old mantra of “fake it till you make it” could be more true than you know. We become what we pretend to be.

This is starting to sound a little woo-woo for me – is that what you are thinking? Almost like the tips of the tallest tree reaching to the great beyond… Enter the tree analogy. Personally I think the woo-woo stuff is fascinating. Does it have any actual scientific evidence? I actually have a small stack of just such articles waiting for me to dig through. So not all the woo and alternative medicine is hocus pocus snake oil salesmanship. I believe every person needs to practice reaching their branches up now and then. Connect to whatever supernatural force/being you see as true, even if it’s just the magic of a little seed sprouting into a mighty oak. Stepping out of my comfort zone of “scientific proof” now and then is good for my soul.

I just need to remember that too much time reaching up and floating among the woo can be hazardous for me. Just as a tree branch can not survive on its own, my arms can not survive on their own… The branches of a tree, can not even come to be, without the sprouting of the seed. and the effective rooting to stabilize a strong trunk. Before venturing into the woo, make sure you are grounded! (That is 98% directed at me by the way) Sometimes I can be a bit like a cat with a shiny thing; chasing after this stuff.

With regard to the views of “The Secret” and its supporters, there are times when life down right “sucks the big one!” and hearing someone quote such things is down right maddening! Cue Fish! It is during these maddening times that it helps me to remember: judging a fish by its ability to climb a tree, will ultimately leave you with a really dumb fish! Specifically there are times when clear, assertive communication seems impossible. Well, if you have never seen or heard about how clear, assertive communication works, you might as well grab your fishing gear and start climbing trees! If you haven’t been taught the skills, how can you fault yourself for being unable to perform them? Perhaps a clearer example is a woman getting frustrated that her computer isn’t working and she has no idea how to fix it. Her IT support guy attempts to help over the phone…. can you see this ending well? Not usually! Can you fault the woman for her inability to fix something she has never really been educated about? Will thinking about how much she wants her computer fixed, or imagining it to be fixed actually help things? I wish it were that simple….

*Sigh*, Fishy chameleon trees…. Feels good to put these roving thoughts to “paper”, although I think that last sentence may get revised at a slightly later point in time… something’s fishy in there…. 😉

 

 

Goin Squirrely

As I was web walking lately I just so happened to stumble across a post about squirrels! Prior to this I have 1 other post categorized as “Squirrels” and did it just to make myself do a lil LOL really… “Who categorizes a blog post as squirrels anyways? haha, wonder if it’ll get any clicks… what a squirrely idea…” And now after this lil gem, I think there may have been a purpose to that category afterall… Watch out – I may very well just start going squirrely more often in this blog!

In case you are wondering where this lil treasure came from, the title and pic hyperlink to the source for easy reference.

Animal Spirit Totem – Squirrel

One of the most common animals in my area of the country seem to be gray squirrels. I realized years ago that squirrels are something I have taken for granted as they were so plentiful. I decided to sit down and watch them. I started learning things from them and saw how squirrels can be such a powerful animal spirit totem. The gray squirrels are the city and town dwellers. Gray squirrels do not hibernate. They build nests that are round with side entrances. Even though they are the biggest squirrel, they are also the most cowardly. If confronted, they will more than likely try to run away. Gray squirrels have two litters a year on average. The babies are self-sufficient after twelve weeks. Red squirrels are found more in forests and woods. Red squirrels are the guards of those woods and forests. If there is a stranger or danger afoot, the squirrels chatter loudly to sound an alarm. That alarm spreads quickly through the forest thanks to the squirrels. They also have two litters a year and are also self-sufficient after twelve weeks. We rarely see the lesser known black squirrel. The black squirrel is known for its aggressiveness. We also all know the flying squirrel, who isn’t really flying but stretching its skin and gliding on air. The gray, red and black squirrels run around in the day, whereas the flying squirrel is nocturnal.

All squirrels are playful. They wrestle and chase each other just for fun. They are also master imitators. That is how squirrels learn. They learn by observing and imitating what they see. If you have a squirrel as your animal spirit totem, you learn better by doing a task than by studying and reading books about it. Squirrels are fabulous communicators. If you listen to them, you can hear a large variety of sounds. Their bushy tails also help them get their point across. When they are on the defense, their tails get very bushy. Their tails also provide shade, heat and balance. Much like a cat, a squirrel will express emotions through its tail movements.

The one main thing that most people know about squirrels is that they stockpile nuts for the winter. Part of what makes that possible is their acute sense of smell. A lesser known trait of squirrels are that they have mastered the balance between work and play. Squirrels, as animal spirit totems, can teach us all about preparedness and working and playing in equal parts. One of the most valuable lessons for me personally is how they teach us not to get too hung up on accumulating. We also have to see the value in giving and sharing with our communities. They also are quite good at storing up energy in times of rest and non-movement. They also can switch directions on a dime. That is a valuable lesson for us to learn. When you notice a squirrel around you, stop and ask yourself some of the following questions:

• Are you over active?

• Are you under active?

• Are you worried about lack and not having enough?

• Does that fear turn into the fear that you are never going to have enough?

• Do you need to learn to save and properly expend money, energy or time?

• Are you spending too much time focused on collection and accumulation?

• Are you not sharing what you have received?

How many of these traits of squirrel animal spirit totem apply to you? Enjoy squirrel spotting and learning the lessons that squirrel has to teach you.

I never stopped to think about the various kinds of squirrels… interesting tidbits… Did you learn something new about squirrels today?

 

Confessions of a blogger… Part 4

When I started this series, I did not imagine it to be a series… I wrote, I rewrote, I wrote some more… saved draft after draft…  “How do I start the conversation exactly?”… I was not sure how deep to go, or which directions felt “right”… Still sussing out this whole “authentic blogging” adventure myself. Perhaps a great place to start is with some gratitude for prior “parts”

Part 1 I am grateful for the brief, concise nature of it… Just enough to mention difficulties/challenges/issues but not too much to get into that “hot mess” of over-share… As well as mentioning the specific tools recently utilized for moving forward…

Part 2 I am grateful for the almost poetic nature of this intriguing work… and the ability to feel a connection with the writer. Not to mention the fantastic optimism that ensues from the relatively short time frame from “bottom” to being “too busy living again”.

Part 3 I am grateful for the confession straight from the battle zone… The honest fact of the matter stance to triumph the stigmas… and the resounding support that instantly poured in through google+ for this warrior. Such as: Maryann D’Amico’s public response that includes: … I have suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for decades. … We are all suffering in some way. Some of us suffer much more. But, we are winners because we go on … We are some of the strongest people alive. If you do not have an illness such as this…and..you look down upon others in hospitals. Maybe you should look up to God and … thank Him that you do not suffer. Stop looking down. Look up.

Part 4 Discussing their experience with divorce, job loss and life in general demonstrates how “shift happens”… These brave souls reminded me of just how normal it is to experience stress, pain and turmoil in life… The previous reblog on “Let’s listen more and drug people less” also reminds me that if such “shift” should lead to mental health challenges, people can and do recover from “mental illness”.

I confess that this blog is my attempt to find just that… a platform to feel listened to, and to listen to others, so we can collectively drug people less. No matter what the illness or disease, I believe that feeling listened to and supported will always have a beneficial effect. (So does humour! Have you heard of Patch Adams? Inspiring PSA movie, based on true events. Hope he is able to see Gesundheit reach phase 6)

Knowing I have created “Wednesday Walk” reminds me to check in now and then… to express, communicate, and walk. To nurture that emotional wellbeing… maybe even share how my own shift is happening and where my passions are growing…  I have enjoyed the idea of “series” posting and may explore that more in future posts… Aiming for a weekly post, holding that with plenty of self compassion if things happen faster or slower… “shift happens” right? 😉

I’ll admit that life is not all “roses and unicorns” right now… and right now, in this moment, that’s okay…

Moving forward, shifting upward… that can be challenging. I do not want this blog to simply produce fluffy pretty things to make it look like my life is “roses and unicorns” and yours ought to be too… I also do not want this to evolve to a lengthy diatribe. I do want this to be a place of conversation, progress and growth… and I must confess, I am somewhat afraid of working the blog too much. I am afraid of having it become a burden that I feel I must pay attention to… I am afraid of posting too much online, or posting something I may later regret… Do you ever think similar things?

Some final gratitude is for you, dear reader. Thank you for stopping in to check things out and read this far. If you feel inclined to join the conversation – thank you again! I really do appreciate it, and look forward to the conversation.

 

Reblog you say? What’s that? This is that!

“Let’s listen more and drug people less” Here, here!!!
Learned a few things today and thought I’d learn one more – what does “Reblog” actually do?… If you want the full scoop check out http://en.blog.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/reblogging-is-back/

What have you learned today?

recovery network: Toronto

UK Guardian Monday 31 August 2009

Diagnoses are psychiatry’s star signs. Let’s listen more and drug people less

The biological approach to treating mental illness has been a lamentable failure. We must focus on a patient as a person

 Surveying the history of psychiatry, the medical historian Edward Shorter remarked: “If there is one central intellectual reality at the end of the 20th century, it is that the biological approach to psychiatry – treating mental illness as a genetically influenced disorder of the brain chemistry – has been a smashing success.”

Far from being a success, there is compelling evidence that the biological approach has been a lamentable failure. Whereas last century saw dramatic improvements in the survival rates of patients suffering from heart diseases and cancer, so far as we can tell, outcomes for patients suffering from the severest forms of psychiatric disorder – the psychoses (disorders in which…

View original post 936 more words

 

Confessions of a blogger… part 3

In confessions of a blogger… part 1 I thoroughly enjoyed the writers ability to be short and sweet. He had challenges, maybe even what some may call failures, did some work and continues to do the work to overcome those and other challenges…

Part 2 illustrates a longer description of a similar journey that isn’t all roses and unicorns…

Part 3 was intended to be my very own confession… however I came across yet another inspirational bit of writting from a google+ post that I want to include in this series…

Mike Shaw shared:

I May Have Lost The Battle

But I’m still around to fight the war!

I have not been online too much over the last few days but there is good reason for that. I’m currently sending this from my iPhone on a bed in a psychiatric hospital!

I have struggled with depression on and of for what seems like most of my life and I have fought to try and have some form of normality but at times I lose the fight, this being one of those times and I have to stand up and ask for help. I consider myself one of the more fortunate people
In that I have a family that both understands and supports me at times such as this. My wife more than anyone else, she puts up with a lot others simply could not. Erratic mood swings, depths of depression that send me so low it’s hard to get back up from and anger at my own shortcomings but she is still at my side and for that I am eternally grateful for the love she has for me.

But why come on here to tell some 400,000 people who have yet to meet me about this. Because it is no longer something I do or should feel ashamed of, because sometimes when we talk of mental health issues in what others deem as “normal” people then just maybe we can remove some of the stigma that is attached with it.

Everyone at some point in their lives will be affected by either mental health issues themselves or someone they know. We have to be open about something that’s a lot more widespread than we like to think of. By being open with you maybe you can take it on board the next time you can come across a “normal” person that seems to be going through something like this and just maybe you can have a little understanding toward them. It’s not easy living with this condition, it’s even harder to openly talk about it, harder still for people to simply understand it.

Should you know of someone that suffers then take the first steps and offer some help. If you suffer then take the first hard step and take that help.

I know some of you will be uncomfortable with this post, I accept that but I stand by it, hope to catch up with you all soon, don’t break anything while I’m away 😉

What first strikes you while reading Mike’s post?

(For me it was something like “Wow… now that’s vulnerability and authenticity… “)

Have you had someone you care about experience something similar?

Just what is “normal” these days?