I’ll love you forever…

I looked up to You; I loved You; I hugged You and kissed You

You loved Me, You cared for Me the best You knew

You hugged Me, You cuddled Me, You called Me Your own

So much of life You fought to forget, You fought to not see, to not be

With all the times You had My back, patched up My mess, You were the best

The best You there ever could be; the best We, We ever would see

It came and it went, just like Your life is now spent

I’ll love You forever, and ever You see

No matter how far your spirit has wandered

Or how much My eye can not see

Your tortured soul endured so much, was so brave

Even in the face of alzheimers You just wouldn’t cave

You just wouldn’t… yet stay strong, I just couldn’t

I wished You were set free, long ago

I wished Your time here did not pass so excruciatingly slow

And now I admit that I’m glad You are gone

Gone from the confusion, the aches and the pains

Gone from the lonely ghost of a man You became

Grandpa, Father, Husband, Brother You were

With times of our joys slowly becoming a blur

I’ll love You forever, and ever You see

That old You and Me, We can no longer be

I’ll love You forever

love,

me

This work in progress is dedicated to a loving man, that is not the same as “John” from the prior posts… and may change over time as I review it, and cleanse the soul with tears streaming through it… any gentle feedback on this prose would be welcomed. Just be gentle with me please 😉

 

Thanks for the company…

Thanks for the company… on my purposeful, thought inducing, weekly walk… today, John. It is always so much nicer to have someone else to share the space with.

Today I realized how little I really know you… of how much deeper our relationship could go, you know, emotionally. We have spent a fair amount of time together in the past, but how much of that was delving into the inner psyche that is you? Or exploring your worldview? Your values? Your beliefs? Your history? Or just your pet peeves?

Today I realized how little I really know you… of how much we have simply passed the time in the same general space, not really spending time together. What is your favourite colour? Was it always that one? When you played monopoly which piece did you like to be? The hat? Do you have a favourite book? Do you even like to read?

Today I realized how little I really know you… of how much we share in common, yet how much we have yet to discover of one another. What politician have you voted for? Which do you despise? Do you even try to be an informed voter, or are you an apathetic non voter? Did you have a dream when you were little? Like being an astronaut or anything?

Today I realized how little I really know you… of how much you have felt empowered by your life and the choices within. Have you ever truly felt empowered? Do you now? Do you feel challenged and engaged with life and the people around you?

Today I realized how much I wish I had asked you years ago… In so many practical ways you’ve been there for me before, John, thank you… And thank you for allowing me to be there with you when you took your last breath… 3 years ago…

Thanks for the company… on my purposeful, thought inducing, weekly walk… today, John.  It is always so much nicer to have someone else to share the space with.

 

 

Note: The picture links to it’s source within Google pics – and shares some light humour in case you could go for some levity now dear reader.

 

Nom de plume thoughts courtesy of Google+

While I have been stewing, and posting draft after draft after draft, doing research, fact checking, image crediting and generally living life outside the view of Wednesday Walk on WordPress, I finally remembered – This is not intended to be some fancy schmancy blog that educates, entertains or informs others! It is intended to be a space to keep me accountable about mindful weekly walks, and sharing the thoughts that arise. If it happens to educate, entertain or inform, SUPER! Hopefully at least one occurs with each post for you my dear. So, without further a due, a first draft post on the idea of nom de plume’s.

With the vast research and delving into the blogosphere I have seen more and more brave souls placing their personal pictures, names and descriptors. My latest hero in this regard would have to be Sharon Howard. (She seems pretty interesting, you might wanna check her out in a minute or two.) I have also seen the push on Google+ for “honesty”, “authenticity” and “real”ness.

If you are new, or thinking of Google+, make sure you have some sort of picture uploaded for your profile pic, preferably one that looks like the “real” you, if you want people to interact with you! Oh, and brand pages, in my opinion, are a waste of time right now. Having just a brand page is extremely limited, unless you already have a loyal following that will follow you over there!

So I ought to upload my personally identifiable picture for you to relate to then right? And tell you stuff like my a/s/l (age/sex/location) right? Hum…. Then I came across a great blogger on G+ that had some other thoughts on the topic that I have to agree with wholeheartedly. She articulates my ethereal thoughts extremely well, and expands on the topic too!

Image found at Tracy Campbell's blog as seen clicking though

Excerpt: Most of us lead compartmentalized lives. We go to work, we have great parties, we give our time to causes in the community, we have our sexual proclivities, we attend church (maybe only during holidays), we support certain political causes — and so on. The first rule of courtesy is to understand the place and time. You shouldn’t speak about your delight with new anal beads at work. You shouldn’t regale your family at brunch with endless details about a merger. You shouldn’t speak about your wild parties at church. And you would do well not to divide the room by mentioning religion or politics at a cocktail party. Real life allows us to keep the various facets that make us who we are separate so they do not cause discomfort to ourselves or others. This is for a variety of reasons, some dishonest, many not. It doesn’t make us dishonest to encompass our share of contradictions. It makes us human.

The problem with the web is that it largely began as a world separate from meatspace. Today, most people use their real names, but this wasn’t always the case. When I started going online in the mid-90s, no one even knew my gender. I preferred that, not because I was hiding, but because I feel very strongly that I should be judged by my thoughts, not who people assume I am by seeing I am a woman, by attaching a handful of preconceived notions to what I am saying because they see my photo and think I’m too young or too old or attractive or unattractive.

Being an intangible essence allowed me to be more myself than I’d ever been before. Posting on different niche boards enabled the level of frankness that we experience when we’re in a group of like-minded people with whom we can openly debate or discuss topics. But this is no longer how the web operates and the transition hasn’t been an easy one. In a world where employers can easily find out everything about you, where insurance companies can decide to give or deny coverage because they see some status update as representing a liability, where a judge at family court can take away your children because — God forbid — you had a photo taken at Playboy West some Halloween… It’s not a matter of the web exposing you. It’s a matter of no longer having the ability to segregate different aspects of your life as we were once easily able to do and the concern is entirely valid.

A.V. Flox

So then dear reader, I ask you – Which is more real?

Further reading can be found through the excerpt link to find A.V.’s full article, her name to see her Google+ profile, or Tracy’s thoughts on nom de plumes visible clicking through the picture. Oh and don’t forget the non nom de plumer Sharon linked above 😉

 

Confessions of a blogger… Part 4

When I started this series, I did not imagine it to be a series… I wrote, I rewrote, I wrote some more… saved draft after draft…  “How do I start the conversation exactly?”… I was not sure how deep to go, or which directions felt “right”… Still sussing out this whole “authentic blogging” adventure myself. Perhaps a great place to start is with some gratitude for prior “parts”

Part 1 I am grateful for the brief, concise nature of it… Just enough to mention difficulties/challenges/issues but not too much to get into that “hot mess” of over-share… As well as mentioning the specific tools recently utilized for moving forward…

Part 2 I am grateful for the almost poetic nature of this intriguing work… and the ability to feel a connection with the writer. Not to mention the fantastic optimism that ensues from the relatively short time frame from “bottom” to being “too busy living again”.

Part 3 I am grateful for the confession straight from the battle zone… The honest fact of the matter stance to triumph the stigmas… and the resounding support that instantly poured in through google+ for this warrior. Such as: Maryann D’Amico’s public response that includes: … I have suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for decades. … We are all suffering in some way. Some of us suffer much more. But, we are winners because we go on … We are some of the strongest people alive. If you do not have an illness such as this…and..you look down upon others in hospitals. Maybe you should look up to God and … thank Him that you do not suffer. Stop looking down. Look up.

Part 4 Discussing their experience with divorce, job loss and life in general demonstrates how “shift happens”… These brave souls reminded me of just how normal it is to experience stress, pain and turmoil in life… The previous reblog on “Let’s listen more and drug people less” also reminds me that if such “shift” should lead to mental health challenges, people can and do recover from “mental illness”.

I confess that this blog is my attempt to find just that… a platform to feel listened to, and to listen to others, so we can collectively drug people less. No matter what the illness or disease, I believe that feeling listened to and supported will always have a beneficial effect. (So does humour! Have you heard of Patch Adams? Inspiring PSA movie, based on true events. Hope he is able to see Gesundheit reach phase 6)

Knowing I have created “Wednesday Walk” reminds me to check in now and then… to express, communicate, and walk. To nurture that emotional wellbeing… maybe even share how my own shift is happening and where my passions are growing…  I have enjoyed the idea of “series” posting and may explore that more in future posts… Aiming for a weekly post, holding that with plenty of self compassion if things happen faster or slower… “shift happens” right? 😉

I’ll admit that life is not all “roses and unicorns” right now… and right now, in this moment, that’s okay…

Moving forward, shifting upward… that can be challenging. I do not want this blog to simply produce fluffy pretty things to make it look like my life is “roses and unicorns” and yours ought to be too… I also do not want this to evolve to a lengthy diatribe. I do want this to be a place of conversation, progress and growth… and I must confess, I am somewhat afraid of working the blog too much. I am afraid of having it become a burden that I feel I must pay attention to… I am afraid of posting too much online, or posting something I may later regret… Do you ever think similar things?

Some final gratitude is for you, dear reader. Thank you for stopping in to check things out and read this far. If you feel inclined to join the conversation – thank you again! I really do appreciate it, and look forward to the conversation.

 

Confessions of a blogger… part 3

In confessions of a blogger… part 1 I thoroughly enjoyed the writers ability to be short and sweet. He had challenges, maybe even what some may call failures, did some work and continues to do the work to overcome those and other challenges…

Part 2 illustrates a longer description of a similar journey that isn’t all roses and unicorns…

Part 3 was intended to be my very own confession… however I came across yet another inspirational bit of writting from a google+ post that I want to include in this series…

Mike Shaw shared:

I May Have Lost The Battle

But I’m still around to fight the war!

I have not been online too much over the last few days but there is good reason for that. I’m currently sending this from my iPhone on a bed in a psychiatric hospital!

I have struggled with depression on and of for what seems like most of my life and I have fought to try and have some form of normality but at times I lose the fight, this being one of those times and I have to stand up and ask for help. I consider myself one of the more fortunate people
In that I have a family that both understands and supports me at times such as this. My wife more than anyone else, she puts up with a lot others simply could not. Erratic mood swings, depths of depression that send me so low it’s hard to get back up from and anger at my own shortcomings but she is still at my side and for that I am eternally grateful for the love she has for me.

But why come on here to tell some 400,000 people who have yet to meet me about this. Because it is no longer something I do or should feel ashamed of, because sometimes when we talk of mental health issues in what others deem as “normal” people then just maybe we can remove some of the stigma that is attached with it.

Everyone at some point in their lives will be affected by either mental health issues themselves or someone they know. We have to be open about something that’s a lot more widespread than we like to think of. By being open with you maybe you can take it on board the next time you can come across a “normal” person that seems to be going through something like this and just maybe you can have a little understanding toward them. It’s not easy living with this condition, it’s even harder to openly talk about it, harder still for people to simply understand it.

Should you know of someone that suffers then take the first steps and offer some help. If you suffer then take the first hard step and take that help.

I know some of you will be uncomfortable with this post, I accept that but I stand by it, hope to catch up with you all soon, don’t break anything while I’m away 😉

What first strikes you while reading Mike’s post?

(For me it was something like “Wow… now that’s vulnerability and authenticity… “)

Have you had someone you care about experience something similar?

Just what is “normal” these days?

 

Confessions of a blogger… Part 2

While Part 1 has a mystery blogger quoted, with the kind of stuff that is never roses and unicorns…  part 2 of this series is more of a guest post… “If you liked this article, please share it!” and so I am!

Note that the title below links to the original source where you are more than welcome to interact with the author himself. Some awesome confessional worthy sharing in this one and further inspiration for part 3 coming soon!

(I was going to quote just a section of this post, like part 1, however I couldn’t seem to pick out just one chunk on it’s own… )

Social Media Saved My Life and Helped Me Achieve a New Career

Sometimes in tragedy we find our life’s purpose – the eye sheds a tear to find its focus.  ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

3 years ago all was good in my world. My career was going places, I was living the American Dream in Southern California, and I was in a good place with friends and family.

In September 2008 it all changed. The first blow came when I learned that I was caught up in a significant layoff that was happening throughout the division that I worked in.  The second blow came when I lost a second job 1 year later, and the final blow came when a series of chronic health problems caused me to lose yet another career opportunity. Deep depression set in and I found myself questioning the purpose of my life and seriously considering an exit plan from this world.

For over 6 months after the illness set in and I quit the final job, I literally did nothing but get up in the morning, watch TV or listen to talk radio and go to bed at night.

I completely cut myself from all friends and family, not wanting to talk to anyone and was so embarrassed about my situation. I was filled with so much self-hate that I just could not bring myself to connect with others. I had nothing to offer the world, did not want to drag anyone down into my despair, and did not want pity from anyone (there was a piece of me that was crying for attention, though). I had no goals, no strategy for getting back in the game, nothing left to live for: or so I thought.

I hit bottom and was at the point where my life could go in two directions. When I decided to go forward in a positive direction and chose life over the alternative it was because I felt I still had something within me that I could offer the world and was obliged to at least give it a shot.

I knew it was best for me and any potential employers to work from home. The chronic pain I was experiencing requires me to lay down or take a half hour break after several hours. Social media has always been fun, intriguing, and for me held lots of potential for a serious career. I figured if I was going to be at home anyway, there must be a way I could make connections, learn several social media platforms and go forward from there.

I had no idea of what lie ahead, nor if I would actually be able to do anything productive. However, I always had fun engaging with others on Twitter so I started there. Not yet ready to reconnect with friends and family, I set up a new Twitter account and began to tweet. Twitter chats seemed to be all the rage and a great way to meet people from diverse backgrounds so I began to participate in several that I really enjoyed. I also decided that I wanted to begin blogging so I set up an account on WordPress.com.

Quickly picking up on the nuances of the chats and having come up with some great ideas for leading one myself I soon started one of my own. I made some really great connections with “Thought Leaders,” movers and shakers on Twitter. I participated in a Twitter Chat where Guy Kawasaki was a guest. I had no clue who he was at the time, but he and I actually had a pleasant one on one discussion for a few minutes after the chat and he started to follow me on Twitter. I was on a mini high when I later found out he was actually an A-lister.

Then came Google Plus and my whole world began to turn upside down in a great way. I knew from the moment I heard about it that I had the opportunity of a lifetime to get in on a platform at the very beginning. I made it my mission to learn everything I could about Google Plus and gain as much expertise as I could with the ultimate goal being to help businesses use it as a tool to engage and gain additional customers.  I would spend at least half the day, if not longer, on the site posting, engaging, and meeting some very cool people.

Google Plus opened up a lot of doors for me. I began to connect with people on many levels.  I learned many of the technical aspects of the site as well as how easy it was to meet others on the site. By applying professional skills I have gained throughout my career to the opportunities that I encountered on the site I now had the new career opportunity I was seeking before. I had goals, a plan to reach those goals, and many great new friends that I would have never met were it not for Google Plus.

The engagement with others is certainly what brought me out of my despair and gave me hope that I did have plenty to offer others and a venue to do so (from home). The final piece for me that confirms that I have overcome depression was I have now joyfully re-connected with almost everyone from my past.

When I tell people about my story and the problems I have encountered in the last several years I get nothing but support and encouragement. My close friends and family know exactly what I was going through and are helping me to achieve success both on a personal and a professional level.

I am still in a lot of pain and due to the nature of the illness it is likely something I will always have to endure. But I now have a support group that is more than happy to prop me up and are there for me in spades when I am feeling a bit down.

I am telling my story to the world through this article, because if I can make it, given all that I have been through, others struggling with their issues can make it too. I cannot guarantee what tomorrow will bring for me, nor am I certified to make a clinical diagnosis, but I believe my depression is in complete remission. The proof to me is I now enjoy doing all the things I used to do except for the exercise (because it is too painful). I watch DVD’s all the time, I have re-connected with friends, I have friends and family visiting for an extended period of time this spring and the dark cloud is lifted. Social media played a significant role in my path to healing. Although I am probably more vulnerable to depression in the future as that is the nature of the disease, I don’t have time to worry about it now. I’m too busy living again.

Note: if you, or someone you know (or suspect) is suffering from depression it is vital to get help. The disease is still not well understood and I can tell you from my own personal experience, when you are in its clutches you do not think rationally. It is very easy to go into a dark place with thoughts that you would never entertain otherwise. For men it is especially difficult to reach out and the suicide rate is much higher for men versus women who suffer from the same. There are many professionals who are trained to deal with depression and its effects. If nothing else reach out to a trusted friend and share with them what is going on. 

If you liked this article, please share it!

Jim Fierce

I live in sunny Southern California with my partner and our 4 Pomeranian Pooches. I am an avid fan of social media and my favorite platforms are Twitter and Google +. My background is Quality Engineering in Pharmaceutical and Medical Device but I have decided to take a complete U-turn and test the entrepreneurial waters and develop a niche market in the social media environs.
Follow me on twitter @Fierce_Living and @Fierce_Chat or on Google Plus at + James Fierce
My personal blog
Fierce_chat blog

Is there one segment you would pull as the essence of this blogger post?

Is there a piece of this story that resonates with you? Something you can relate to?

 

Confessions of a blogger… part 1

As I have mini walks the past little while I still ponder the focus, theme or niche if you will, of “Wednesday Walk”… where will this web walk lead I wonder… and todays ponderings have led to 2 other inspirational posts that I want to share with you today… or at least part of them, before delving into my own confessions…

(and seriously, is “todays” and “ponderings” actually worthy of the squiggly red line of incorrectly spelled? Neither is a contraction with the word is, of that I am sure! anyways..)

First and foremost – name that blogger if you dare! Reflecting on 2011 he writes:

Personal Challenges Abound

My personal life underwent a lot of transformations. I parted ways with my wife. Saying this is also not saying three thousand or more sentences of what that all entails, but that’s personal. I wish her well, and my children are now able to enjoy two loving homes. That kind of transitional stuff is never roses and unicorns, but we’re all doing the work it takes to make it successful. I’m grateful that my children and I have spent so much more time together this past year. All this work and travel most certainly impacted my home life, and along the way, I never lost sight of the importance of my children, but I definitely didn’t schedule the time for them the way I do now. My relationship with my children is the best it’s ever been in my entire life, and I’m grateful for that.

Beyond that, I did a lot of work on myself. Through work with a shrink, through some helpful medication, through my fledgling practice of Buddhism, through a lot of my own hard efforts, and through finding love with a wonderful new woman in my world, I’ve done more to repair several things that were “wrong” with me over the last several decades than ever before. This was tremendously difficult. None of it has been easy. But knowing that I couldn’t live my life the way I had been living it has most certainly helped a great deal. I made a lot of mistakes in living with all my demons and I certainly messed up a lot along the way. I can only work in one direction, so moving forward is a strong effort of staying very clear and open and doing the hard work, over and over again.

Have you read these words before? Or maybe written a few?…

bonus points for the first one to name that blogger!